The war has reached my doorstep!

Ahmed on his graduation day

The war has reached my doorstep and I am helpless. I am standing amidst all the devastation, breathing in soot, dust and gun powder. I can hear screams, they are louder inside, outside they are faint cries of help or desperation. I never thought a crisis in a far away land would hit me straight in the heart. However, I can't feel the pain, I can only see it. The Yemeni crisis was just another war in some country for me, until my Yemeni student described his family, his home, his aspirations and his concern. Surprisingly, I don't see any fear in his eyes, there is hope and despair but no fear. Our usual conversations are about the fields and cities and way of life in his country. He occasionally spoke about war and it was just some distant tragedy to me until one day he looked up and said, "I want to go back, teacher. I want to go back and die with my family." And with these words, I was drawn into the war.

War torn Yemen
Pic courtesy internet

Some words

Thousand kisses

I can kiss you a thousand times 

Before releasing you from my embrace

And then hug you again 

On the pretext of saying goodbye

That would lead to hundreds of kisses again

And before we part I will request you for few more moments

To sip in your intoxicating fragrance

And to search in your eyes

The path back into this world...

*****

Perfume

Your perfume has left a trail

For me to follow and reach you

I need no directions or any map

With my eyes closed I can search for you

In the meadows and through the forests and cities and towns

*****

Stubborn

Whenever I look into her eyes

I see there a reflection of him

Stubbornly held into that place

Refused to move on...

I wonder 

Whether she is in love with him

Or has convinced herself, not to forget him

EVER...

*****

Unnatural

They are not natural

His feelings

Their source is not his heart

They are like by products or residues

Of some other feelings

May be guilt or responsbility

So they don't find a way to my soul

They just dissolve in between somewhere

In the thin air between his lips and my heart...

*****

Love and its parts

Love and you (Part I)

I want to weave a beautiful net of words

To catch you

But my words melt away and emotions freeze...

This poetess is too weak to capture you

I want to steal some kisses from you

Kisses in which you participate whole heartedly

But my love is too honest 

To steal anything from you

I want to shout and declare 

My feelings for you

From the top of the world,

I am too scared to hurt you if I publicize it

I want to paint you in the colour of my scarlet love

Dripping my blood drop by drop 

To give it the right tint

You are too high for me to reach but…

I want to hold you very close to my heart

Between my humbled breasts

And make you hear your name ringing inside 

But I am too shy to do that

I want to make love to you in most passionate ways

For a full season of the year

But I am too confused 

Which season to choose?

Lust and you (Part II)

Summer is so special with its beautiful morning

Neither too hot nor too cold

Just comfortable enough for us to snuggle and then

Proceed to a fancier session

But why not winter then, with its freezing temperature 

In your native mountains

Won’t it be perfect for us to rub into each other

And set everything on fire

Or maybe the season that lies between these two

The monsoon, the season that makes me miss you the most

Let us drench ourselves into those heavenly showers 

Before we dry each other sip by sip

Nah, let’s begin with spring

The season when flowers bloom, and so will I

With the touch of your lips and tips

Let the flowers envy the sweet perfume emitting from us

Jealous

Every time I see you, I find you prettier than before;

Though I act normal, I am so insecure.

You got smoothest skin and you got that warming smile,

Girl you are perfect but I'll never admit so...

I am not so malicious...

Trust me not usually,

Somewhat kind and gentle,

But not a personification of feminity

We could have been good friends,

May be... May be... May be

Hanging out together every weekend

I might have liked you

May be... May be... May be

If you were not his love interest

Censored version  ;-)

Beyond life

Vacant eyes and frozen smile

This is her identity now

The girl who never speaks...

Still fascinating are ways in which,

She conveys her desires n sentiments

No needs, no she doesn't have them

Its just feelings

She told me how resentful she is

Towards that one person who left her

To die a life of loneliness

And how she desires again the beats 

Of a heart that trusted so easily.

Remorse is one more part of her

For she could not do enough for those

Who meant the world to her.

She is also sorry that she was late 

In realizing her feelings and that

She never displayed them as she wanted to...

She speaks of her longings as if

They still drain the tears out of her!

But most of all she speaks of love

She said, she never misses it

She is still free to feel it and express it

And she does...

She still loves.

Inspired by Woman in Black

Harry Potter

Your magick liberates me from every pain,

The boy from the silver screen, with silver frame,

Disheveled hair and smiling face,

I travel with you in a world so new,

Away from my tears, I live your fatal fears...

I stand by you as you face you-know-who,

Before he could curse I kiss your scarred forehead too,

For love is the ultimate protection spell…

Dedicated to the series that supported me through storms

Talking about death

Flowers for me...

I often wonder

How would it be to see myself lifeless?

Dead, cold and hard

Like a fish in a cold storage

Or the stone laid in the last step

Would I feel anything if I touched me?

With heart beats gone and 

Warmth drained from my cheeks

Will I be less musical and less desirable?

I often wonder

Can I see it from the sky?

The grief and love of my people 

But why grief?

At their loss of a companion

Or at my loss of life!

How many years will they remember

The talks that I hum

Will they miss if I never come?

Dead or dreaming!

I often wonder

How is it like to die?

Is it like sleeping?

But no, my sleep is full of vivid dreams

Colourful and alive

Can death be so colourful

Is all the blankness then a myth

To deprive us from entering 

The exotic world of death

I often wonder

Why is death dark and frightening?

Night is dark yet a romance

May be its the unknown that scares

But don't we seek the mystery

When we long for a peek behind

The curtains of a stage

Then why not desire 

For what lies beyond flesh

MCN: CPC8V-59N17-WM5F4

How are you!

The most common question we encounter on day to day basis is “How are you?”. We ask it to so many people daily and answer it so often with a smile and “Fine, thank you!” that we have forgotten its significance. Do we really expect an honest answer when we ask this question? 


I used to answer it honestly for many years with “Oh! Not so good, I have an headache” or “Extremely happy, my cat delivered five kittens!”. But the response I received for these replies was not very encouraging, and the feedback on my communication skill, even more depressing.

I wonder why do we ask a question, we don’t wish an answer for!

Her reply...

Last night I thought a lot about your wish ‘just be happy in your life’. I wanted to understand its significance and relevance in my world. I was unable to understand what my life is exactly! And after meditating on this thought for hours, I have realized that this- today- is my life. Yesterday is already a dead moment, without any record that it even transpired, and future is so unbelievable. It is so uncertain; I don’t know what to make of it!

So, after I came to the conclusion that ‘today’ is the time of my life, it became very easy to identify the happy and sad elements in it. As of today, love is my element of happiness and my whole being revolves around it. I can also say that- today ‘Love is my Life’. Not that it was different ten years back, but now the thought process is more refined. And, living in this life keeps me happy and as satiated as a well hydrated orchid plant on your window sill. It is outside this life that I am not happy.

Also, at present you are the person with whom I attach my love, so loving you keeps me happy. It doesn’t require any returns from your end. It’s an effortless process, as natural as breathing. Take a deep breath, love him and be happy… ahhh!  Feels good, you see. It is the idea of not being able to love you that makes me doleful.

Though it has managed to keep me engaged for a long time, this anxiety will not last forever. Not because I will stop loving, but because I know I am entitled to eternal happiness. 

Yours, 
Me

Music of LOVE

I want to dedicate every song written so beautifully,

 Every verse composed to romantically, 

Every note played so lovingly, 

to you...

 Just sit with me, hold my hand and 

Allow me to love you

Jan Hit Me Jari | Issued in Public Interest

My flight, my wilderness , my sophistication... makes me-me

Dear fellow humans,


I humbly request, please do not waste your time and energy in trying to amend me and my ways. It may lead to the following disasters:

a. You will fall in love with me
b. You will start hating me
c. You will end up being like me

In any case, the result might be fatal for your rational mind. I don’t change, I just evolve, and my evolution has given me wings. So, till you learn to fly, take care of yourself and let me be me.

Affectionately yours,
Me :)

No pretence

So I said- "I can't do it any more I am so sorry; I can't pretend everything is fine and happy; I am good and so is my world. 

I am still so much in Love with you, you can ask my pillow, it hasn't got a good night's sleep in months. 

What more! well I can't even pretend that I am not thinking about you. 

Every single second of my life I think about you, the time we were together, silly talks, little fights... everything. 

My world is full of either blankness, which now shows in my eyes, on my face and around me. 

Please help me, don't let me become so empty. 

Please fill me with you...."

You and my imagination

Your hair has grown so beautifully

Since the last time I touched them...

Black, dense and wavy

So desirous to my hands

Which dream of weaving in them

Gently

Holding them tightly

My fingers making love

To them…

All my senses aware of your presence...

Even if its just in my mind.

I will never judge you... only love you

Your lips look softer

Since the last time I kissed them...

Pink, soft and perfectly shaped

Igniting a new fire every moment

To kiss, to devour them

And let your pretty mouth

Explore me

Eat me

As always...

You can give me your share of these memories

Useless to you; priceless to me...

MCN: CYHEB-8DB2C-UML76

Wash away

Wash away all hurt

And the insults that you sent

Looking for a detergent to wash away all that…

Wash away the memories,

Of the days we spent together,

Wash away the memories,

Of the nights we curled in a bed…

Sweep away your footprints,

From the flooring of my heart,

Sweep away all your prints,

From my every path…

Sweep away the memories,

Of the days we spent together,

Sweep away the memories,

Of the nights we curled in a bed…

Now that I look at you I understand…

You have already dusted

My fragments from your land

I will too dust away

From the corners of my heart

I will too dust away

From the house in which we part…

MCN: CEKC9-YLTRW-BE1LD

If only

And Paro said to Dev...

I don't know if it might have been better,

But I am sure it would have been different

May be the smile would have been bit wider,

And dreams a little more frolic.

The reality might have been less biting,

And the uncertainty a little less scary.

The fights somewhat less pinching,

But the making up a lot spicier...

I don't know if it might have been better,

But I am sure it would have been different

The walks would go on forever,

The rides cozier, and drives sexier.

We would have been together,

But being a part of every moment,

In togetherness…

Not in a suffocating congestion.

With you... life would have been an everlasting kiss

 I don't know if it might have been better,

But I am sure it would have been different.

As not always you meet someone

With a to-die-for smile,

Or someone with whom the chemistry rings,

Or the one with whom you can travel endless miles,

Offloading your burdens and multiplying smiles…

And definitely not the one who is all these and more

I don't know if it might have been better,

But I am sure it would have been different…

If only you had stayed a little longer,

If only you had believed, trusted and stayed a little longer…

MCN: CTEWF-6LRL6-PE5A4

Need time

Setting my love free

Who has lost, who has won?

This is not the question.

You want me to move ahead.

 But I am not ready as yet.

I need time to cope up,

Don’t push me through that door,

You will never have that kiss again,

Once I am gone… (Chorus)

I tried my best to,

Make you feel loved in everyway,

But you thought I was,

Just too bold to be your mate,

I am sorry and I am glad…

Sorry that you are losing

Someone who loves you,

And glad as will let go,

Someone I didn’t know.

I wasn’t the one who would

Take it lying down,

But I let you say all that,

For my love was too profound.

I am done with all your attitude,

I am done with all love names,

Its time to release me from all the pain,

Still… I need time… to set you free again.

MCN: CPBA4-NJ1CV-FR6CH

Mermaid's dilemma

This is why the sea water is so salty

The more you try to justify,

The more I find this idea repulsive!

You live in a world of adjustments and compromises,

 Sorry I don't belong here...

I was wrong to trust you with my feelings so deep,

Rooted deeper than the spread of your archaic culture!

You need time, some I guess or may be...

A little more than some, to grow,

You are mature enough to create a baby,

But not enough mature to father one...

You know there are things called relations,

But your understanding is either too shallow or none!!

I never burden you with my beliefs,

So please don't pester me into your faith.

If you can not give me happiness,

At least let me sulk peacefully in silence...

MCN: CD8RX-NUE92-BS3TF

My million hearts

"So", she said… 

"You broke it into million pieces thinking the spell will break!!! 

You were so naive to not realize every piece of this broken heart 

can love you independently. 

Now you have million hearts to kill, 

million emotions to banish, 

and a million me has just you to love… 

you have already lost this battle, my love"

MCN: CHX6N-AJVUC-UQDTU

The black sheep saga

Feel like this!!!

We don’t remember days, but we cannot forget the moments;

We may not hear the words, but we cannot shun the feelings;

Is there even one pair of eyes in which you see dreams for you?

Is there one unrelated heart that beats at the rhythm of your smile?

There is one man off food and drinks for the sake of nation…

There were many before who did the same, if you care…

Do you plan to join the bandwagon of selfless leaders?

Stay up fighting and drop dead hungry,

Stick to the trees or tend a deer; caress a swan or feed a leper…

Do you plan to join the bandwagon of selfless leaders?

Some of them gone really young, waving from the skies,

Or those who took the bullet while looking bestiality in eyes…

Following the trend of fashion, you have learned how to support,

All your respect derived now that the name is on an idiot box…

Did you notice that maverick sitting next to you for two years?

“Oh! We have bitched about that person in bathroom and canteen”…

Apart from that, do you remember saying some encouraging words!

Very busy solving the riddle or arranging the pieces of jigsaw puzzle,

Completely unaware of the missing links that start from within.

Flowing with the current, being led like a herd…

Declaring all of them black sheep, emasculating the one who differs…

Respect those hearts that may be childish but fair,

Constantly dreaming and daring to share.

Dreams are the seeds that a black sheep sows,

Always so eager to sail against the wind's blow,

Embark on a journey with these dream sailors,  

May be your life’s mission will be found on some shore,

Light your damn lamp, before it’s too dark;

And instigate that change, from where it should start.

Your belongings

It’s all over me… your fingerprints 

and marked on my heart are your imprints… 

when you cannot value your belongings, 

how can I trust you to value my feelings… 

I am a basket of petals, 

your cruel hammering can’t break anything… 

but when you are done hurting 

you will realize how fragrant your hammer has become… 

You cannot leave before taking the essence of my love

MCN: CSHQ6-4R434-W84B1